i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
