Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
