i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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