I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
