Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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