So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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