what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
