Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
