i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
