I got chris browned last night
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They took my balls.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
