maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
