The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
