My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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