so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
