ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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