Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my phone needs a breathalizer
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
