she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
