We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
