i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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