i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My vagina just clenched in fear
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
