the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
