Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
