apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
