thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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