So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
