This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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