My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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