Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
