And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
