I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
