life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
