whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
