So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
