so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
