I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
