So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
