Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
