I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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