what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
