We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
