ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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