Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
