Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
