He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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