halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
