I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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