I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
