my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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