Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
