i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
