"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you win again, gameday.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
